Well...you kind of forget....once a child(ren)'s parent(s) die, Child Services butts in and coop up the kids and put them up for adoption, put them into a group home, or make them live with their closest blood relative(s). And if the sisters aren't blood related, that gives them a high chance of being separated.
As for Ryuzaki, I'm pretty sure that child services do butt in too because of child neglect, but I would understand if he cares about his parents too much in order not to call.
But other than that, there still isn't something that stands out in your plot.
No matter what, whenever you're writing something, when you're writing for school, when you're writing for the world, when you're writing for a role play, when you're writing for your own fan fictions or original stories, you're actually selling your story or at least trying to.
Your plot summary is the advertisement. When it comes to writing, you can't forget Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How. My daddy calls it the Five Magic Double U's and the Wonder How. (Because people wonder 'how?' right?)
When you're advertising, you want people to buy your things right? Like you want people to read your stories, right? You want them to think it's interesting, you want people to like your writing.
Also, rules! RULES!! Rules are very important! Rules in the world of writing and rules in the real world. You have to be realistic. You also have to give people a story/character that they can relate too. Don't keep putting really only one character in the light, it's not all about them. Sure, they could be the main character, but really, it's all the minor characters that make the story happen. (I've worked in an animation group and work is hard! Drawing everything and trying to stick onto the story and coming up with new ideas that we might try to fit in. Obviously in animation, we bend the rules.) But when you're writing about something realistic, you got to be realistic.
Realistic includes not everyone likes your character. Your character doesn't have the best body with GIANT
BOOBS that all guys want. Come on, and not all guys go for girls with giant boobs and giant asses or an hour glass figure, otherwise...the world would be a pretty lonely place.... And like...little kids can't live on their own because they got no jobs and can't get no jobs because of child labor laws so they need to be dependent on someone until they're 18 and kicked out of the child care system or if their adoptive parents kick them out. Being realistic also include eight year olds actually dying when giant trucks hit them. Or someone as scrawny as an eight year old because it's physically impossible for someone to survive being hit straight on.
I was watching the news last night and the only reason a five year old girl survived when a pick up truck ran into her wall was because the bed protected her just a little bit. the impact was being held by the bed before it got to her.
I'm not picking on you, I'm just telling you because I want YOU to sell.
Let's say you're advertising a food container, right? Looks ordinary.
"Oh, uh, here's a food container with a bowl and a lid right. You can just take it with you and have your lunch wherever you go. It's the best thing because I can put my food in it and take it with me anywhere and I don't have to buy food anywhere else because I have it with me right here in my bag. I can put cheese in it, I can put ice cream, it'll probably melt then though, I can put anything in here."
Versus
"Look at this lovely food container, small enough to fit in your bag and carry it with you to work, to school, out on a picnic, all kinds of places. And it will even fit enough just for you to feel stuff and full. The lid can be capped on tight and shut so that when you carry liquid, look! It doesn't spill! Because of the tight closing lid, when you open it up, your food will still be as fresh and delicious as before you put it in."
Something so. but it's still advertising, so who's the better persuader?
So when you're writing, don't focus just on the big things, it's the little things. But somehow...when I read your things, you make the big things little and the little things big and it just doesn't really work, in truth. Like the fact that their parents met at someone's funeral, that's a little thing because you don't really need to know who died unless they have a super significance on the story, yet you made it big because you put that person's name in there. Now people will wonder if that person really has anything to do with the story, otherwise, it's not needed. And Rincora high school is supposed to be a big thing, but you sort of made it little, seeing as it's basically just a regular high school that just happens to be the key to happiness. There's got to be more to that high school right? Like why is it the key to happiness and how did it become the key to happiness or so, right?
And when you're writing a plot summary, don't add things like "read to find out" or something like that, that's really supposed to be for like cliffhangers and like at the end of chapters or something or for like previews.
A plot summary isn't quite a preview, it's more of just a general information.
This is who the story's about: Two orphans named Rose Beauty and Ritsu Hanuna who've lost their parents in a car accident and a young boy name Ryuzaki Hanashi who lived his life with parental neglect.
This is what their story's about: The three of them meeting in high school.
This is where the story takes place: At Rincora High school.
This is when their story takes place: When they're in high school.
This is why their story came to be:
This is how the got there:
So....you can see how empty the story got when you pulled it down like that. But I can still say that it still seems like an ordinary story because there's still nothing that stands out.
I got to say, there's a lot of sob stories out there about main chars with no parents or main chars with parents who don't give a shit about them.
And it's not that I'm tired of seeing those type of sob stories, because you know, things like that just shout Miss Mary Sue and Mister Gary Stu to me, the things like, living a hard life, losing your parents, having parents who hate you.
You don't know what living a hard life is, don't write about a person living a hard life.
I'm not saying I'm living a hard life, because really, I'm not, but I've seen what a hard life looks like in real life and it was the saddest thing I've ever seen.
Your critique was so awesome that even I will take those tips to heart when writing....